No metaphor, no image, no “spark to waste”. Rotterdam-based outfit GGGOLDDD‘s upcoming LP This Shame Should Not Be Mine illustrates an abject testimony in the face of sexual abuse by the band’s lyricist and singer Milena Eva. The record’s title track offers another eyebrow-raising deviation from GGGOLDDD’s signature blackened alternative rock. Not regarding the grim subject matter, it’s actually a quite stunning marriage of gatling gun Portishead-ish beats and a sweeping, beguiling string section.
Of course, GGGOLDDD wouldn’t be GGGOLDDD if there wasn’t some kind of gut-wrenching contrast between sounds and visuals. The song’s video – glimpsing a typically invasive talk show setting – brings sharp commentary against the ways traumatic experiences get trivialised into the public forum. It’s an absolutely paralysing watch, so fair warning to anyone in some manner affected by abuse: this is quite a powerful, confrontational viewing experience.
Milena, on the song in question: “I was raped at the tender age of nineteen by someone I trusted and had fallen in love with. In one instant my life was upside down. It shaped me a lot. Especially the shame that comes with it, because of what society told me. ‘This Shame Should Not Be Mine’ is a fully electronic, dark and creepy song that personifies the fear and anxiety I’ve lived with. When I listen to it now it gives me strength and power like a mantra telling me it is not my fault.
“After the trauma happened I went through some very scary years and the weird thing is it took me years to understand that I was scared. I filed my feelings under depression or loneliness. And my pain was downplayed by doctors and myself. It took me a long time to understand I have ptsd, that I’m sick because of what happened. And one of the biggest reasons it came this far was because of how people responded. The blame and shame that comes with taboo and the patriarchy is numbing. And the shame should have never been mine.”
Watch the video for “This Shame Should Not Be Mine” below.
This Shame Should Not Be Mine is out on April 1st via Artoffact Records and can be pre-ordered on their official site. GGGOLDDD will perform the album in full and curate a special lineup at this year’s Roadburn Festival, which is held between 21-24 of April.
You can find GGGOLDDD on Bandcamp, Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.
