At least Jack White still has a sense of humour, right? We can only hope that’s the actual reasoning behind him getting involved with this. Sure, Shaggy 2 Dope and Violent J might be pleasant guys without the make-up and absurd theories, and it’s good of White to step up and try create something that might appeal to different audience. But at the same time, that theory has to be as full of as much shit as these songs are – how could Jack White produce these tracks and be content enough with it to want to sell them from his own shop? Maybe Juggalos are materialistic and he figures he can cash in.
But is it really worth it if his name is going to be associated with these tracks forever – specifically one titled “Leck Mich Im Arsch”? (Or at least until the Hugh Grant takes up a rapping career and demands Kanye West as his sidekick and takes the title of the most unlikely collaboration.) It’s not just having White’s name next to the guys famous for that meme; it’s also the fact that “Arsch” has no identifiable flair whatsoever, let alone something which indicates White even tried or was at all present during any point of the song’s creation.
Maybe he did try though and that’s why one of Mozart’s “forgotten” melodies is brought into the mix. Mozart is a master, unflappable for his timeless and endlessly respectable quality, right? Goddamn that’s right, but even if you went back in time, recorded Mozart himself playing “Turkish March” and then subsequently layered two inane white men rapping about fetishist and pornographic practices over the top, then the end result is still going to be something that should be dug so deep into the grounds of the internet that it shouldn’t even be brought back to life to laugh at.
The musical backing from JEFF the Brotherhood is so bland and forgettable that all you’re left with it is the repeating Mozart melody sung in German by the operatic choir; but all I can hear from the opera singers is regret and shame as they repeat the song’s title over and over, wondering where their lives went wrong and what happened to that dream of performing Carnegie Hall or with the London Philharmonic. You’d think Jack would step in, play that guitar line like a master, or at least throw in a bitchin’ guitar solo but no, there’s nothing from him here.
But if I have to be completely honest, the flip side track, “Mountain Girl” doesn’t fair that badly – but that’s only when you compare the two. As an individual track though, it’s still a pretty ghastly thing to even imagine existing. I’ll concede that the backing track for “Mountain Girl” is a perfectly fine country jangle and sounds like something White can produce at the snap of a finger but with Shaggy and J singing over it, it all just sounds out of place. Fair enough, respect has to be given to artists who put themselves into a new genre, but the point is invalid since calling Insane Clown Posse artists would be like saying rape is most hilarious thing since Monty Python. Had he given the music here – and hell even the subject matter (with the lyrics arranged to be interesting and/or make sense (either would be an improvement)) – to any respectable and talented individual White could have made another fine little addition to his back catalogue.
And yet, he didn’t. He helped Insane Clown Posse make some music. He produced the music here. And it all still sounds daft on paper, even though I’ve subjected myself to the end result. I just can’t picture him taking this seriously in the slightest. If he was, then the only way I can picture him is sitting in a lazy chair, levelling out the different tracks and putting as little effort in as possible, which is just shameful for him to be doing. Then again, it’s near enough shameful (and confusing) for him to be even considering something like this in the first place. Fucking collaborations, how do they work?
